“Courage is an opportunity that sooner or later is presented to all of us.” John F. Kennedy
For a few days I had been thinking about my being Almost Andy and other than having a lot of fun and making some of Andy’s fans happy what was the real purpose of being Almost Andy? What was Almost Andy’s cause, his justification for existing?
Well, my wife Jean and I often go shopping at Wal-Mart for prescriptions and we pick up a few other things we need for survival. Jean is a careful shopper and I often have a long wait at the front of the store while she does the hard work. I sometimes walk twice around the entire facility for exercise and earlier this particular week (Feb. 17, 2010) I had just completed my two trips around the store, made a minor purchase and looked for a sign of Jean, but evidently she was still busy shopping. I headed straight for the steel benches which were located not far from the main entrance. I was shocked and disappointed to discover that the benches had been removed.
I walked over to the checker at the door and inquired about the benches. The lady looked up at me and said, “I’m sorry sir but we got orders from headquarters in Bentonville, Arkansas to remove the benches.”
I asked her, “Why?” She shook her head and said, “I don’t know sir, but when we get orders from Bentonville we follow them.”
I said to her, “But I don’t want to sit down in Bentonville, I want to sit down over there where the benches were and right now.”
She just shook her head and said, “I’m sorry Sir.”
I walked over to the wall and without even thinking I sat down on the floor.
Now, let me explain. I’m not from the generation where people just sit down on the floor. The way my legs work when I sit down on the floor it is a real commitment. I’m not really certain that I can get back up again. My knee replacements just don’t work that way.
Another customer walked by and remarked, “They’ve removed the benches.” And I said, “They sure have and I am sitting here to protest.”
Half a dozen people walked by and I greeted them and said, “I’m protesting.” And most of them replied with encouragement like, “Good for you.”
After sitting there perhaps half a dozen minutes an elderly man came in the front door and he was looking for one of those electric riding carts but there was none there. “They have been taken out for servicing.” The checker at the door explained.
Well he started a yelling out loud, I mean he was shoutin’. “I want to see the manager, right here. Get me the manager.” And then he looked over and saw that the benches had been removed and I was there sitting on the floor and he started a hollerin’ out all the louder, “And that poor old man has to sit on the floor. Get me the manager.” And I yelled over to him, “Right on, Buddy, right on. You tell ‘em Fella!”
Well shortly two young ladies arrived on the scene and he said to them that he wanted to see the manager and they said something to the effect that they were complaint managers or such. He hollered at them about not having a cart to ride on and worst yet, he asked why did that man over there, (pointing to me) have to sit on the floor? Where were the benches?
Well, I don’t know what they said to him but he left and then they both came over to me and asked me what my problem was.
I explained to them that it wasn’t my problem it was their problem and they had better solve their problem now. Further that I was protesting the removal of the benches and told them that I had to be at that location because that was where I promised to meet my wife.
They said they were sorry but they had orders from Bentonville. I said that they had no right to remove the benches because people needed them…that their store was so big that us older people got worn out, the old and the crippled and what about the pregnant women and the obese?
It sounded so good to me and it felt so good at what I was doing that I got carried off a little. I pulled out my Almost Andy card and I told them that I was Almost Andy, defender of the aged and the disabled; be they combat wounded veterans or not and that this was a horrible thing Wal-Mart was doing, removing the benches and I wanted this called to the attention of the Chairman of Wal-Mart in Bentonville, Arkansas immediately.
I further said that I would be checking the next morning and if they didn’t have the benches back there I would soon have twenty people sitting on the floor there with me and I would have a couple of TV crews shooting pictures of all of us because my being Almost Andy always attracted the press and I would have the newspapers and the three TV networks and it would be on Facebook and I don’t know what all.
The next morning Jean needed some things at Wal-Mart and I let her off at the door and she looked inside and gave me a thumbs-up signal. The benches were back there in place. I drove over and got rid of a mess of recycle material behind the Home Depot and then I went back to Wal-Mart and went inside. I had not done all of my daily walking that morning and so I made up for it by doing a victory lap at Wal-Mart. When I returned I found Jean sitting on the bench all worn out from walking. Jean has had surgery on a knee and she gets worn out quickly.
“I’m sure glad you got this bench back here Dear,” she said, “I really needed it today.”
I just laughed and said, “Don’t thank me, thank Almost Andy; one small step for man, one giant leap for humanity.”
I felt a bit like Superman, or BatMan or whoever. Almost Andy had become a force for good.
(This is an excerpt from my book “Yer Andy Griffith, Aren’t You? The Adventures of Almost Andy, Art Fetttig”)
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